


Staccato

by DivergentLunarShadowhunter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: :P, Canon Compliant, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Don't Judge Me, Episode AU: s05e22 Swan Song, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, First Kiss, M/M, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Which Is Different, but i tried, but it could have, but now, i mean i shipped destiel before, i mean obviously it didn't happen, i thought it was going to, if you see this, it's an actual kiss, it's not THAT kind of fic, obviously, oh and jess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 08:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12384849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivergentLunarShadowhunter/pseuds/DivergentLunarShadowhunter
Summary: (Slight) AU scene from the end of 5x22 Swan Song. It really hurt to rewatch the ending of this episode, but I wanted to make it work with the canon (which isn't that hard considering there are like 20 times where a first kiss could happen I mean seriously)This is my first real Destiel fic so I'm sorry if I didn't capture Dean or Cas that well, I wrote this within a few days and it's not really edited so whoops. It's probably the first time I've ever tried to write about a kiss between a non-canon couple, which was different, but I tried!Hope you like it!





	Staccato

First there was nothing but pain. Pain in his bones, in his face, in his head. Pain from the swollen eye that refused to open, from the blood that flowed from all the open gashes and scrapes Sam had given him. Not Sam, exactly, but Sam’s fist.

 

Any bodily discomfort was ultimately overshadowed by the pain he felt in his soul. The Sam he had known all his life had disappeared, internally replaced by Lucifer. But somehow, in some way, his brother had managed to fight back against him, regaining the use of his body for a precious minute.

 

Not that Dean had been aware of this at the time. Face bloodied and bruised, multiple bones probably broken... he was barely conscious, almost not noticing when Sam’s fist stopped slamming into his head. Just as Dean realized what his brother had done, just as the spark of hope reignited in his soul that maybe, just _maybe_ , this didn’t have to be the end of Sam Winchester, it was over.

 

He’d watched as, almost in slow motion, Sam opened the cage, the hole in the ground pulling at Dean’s body and everything around him slightly. The hair stood up on his battered arms and neck as Sam turned, staring down at Dean, looking so scared- no, he was _terrified_. But he knew what he had to do.

 

Then there was Dean, kneeling in the dry grass, trying to wrap his head around what had just happened.

 

Cas, dead, from trying to help them one last time. Dean would never forget the moment Lucifer snapped his fingers and exploded the angel into bloody fragments like he was made of nothing but paper mache.

 

Bobby, dead, from shooting Sam to stop Lucifer from killing Dean. Again, he sacrificed everything to help him, to protect him from his own brother. And after everything he’d done, all the monsters and _things_ and people he’d killed and saved, his death was simply another tally mark on the wall for Lucifer. Nobody but Dean would ever know what Bobby had done for them in his final moments.

 

Sam, dead. Thrown into Hell with Lucifer imbedded in his brain and soul. Thrown in unexpectedly with Michael... _Adam_ , the other brother Dean hadn’t even realized he’d miss. They were trapped together in the cage for eternity, two mortal brothers enslaved and tortured by two celestial siblings.

 

Everybody around Dean was dead, gone, never coming back. Everyone he’d ever loved, cared for, _killed for_ ...gone. So he just sat there, thinking and grieving and maybe even praying- for what, he didn’t really know. For a miracle, for something, _anything_ to actually go right. If God had really watched the whole thing, what was he thinking now?

 

The pain in Dean’s body had dulled into shock and coldness. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything except stare blankly at the ground where his brother had fallen into Hell.

 

It was just Dean, all alone forever in the world of the living.

 

...But then there was _him_ , standing right there like he’d never left. Dean turned, thinking the sound of wings flapping had just been in his imagination. But it wasn’t.

 

“Cas,” he said in wonder. “You’re alive?”

 

Cas gave him a measured stare full of emotions that Dean could not identify.

 

“I’m better than that,” he replied as he stepped forward and reached out for his friend. Dean stared up at Cas in amazement as the pain left his body, cuts and bruises disappearing without scars as if they’d never been there. He didn’t even have to feel his face to know that Cas had completely healed him.

 

He stood up slowly, not trusting his legs to hold him up. He stood before Cas, wondering how any of it had even happened. He resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, to prove that the angel was really, actually standing in front of him.

 

“Cas, are you God?” Dean asked. He couldn’t think of any other reason Castiel could have survived. Cas just smiled slightly, replying that no, he was no God; although God was the one who must have brought him back.

 

Dean held his breath as he stared at the angel. Cas had appeared barely two feet away from him, and neither of them had moved away. Castiel looked the same as always, with his trench coat and suit and tie; although now he looked... _newer_ to Dean. Cleaner, definitely, but there was something else Dean saw when he looked at him, and he wasn’t exactly sure what it was.

 

Too soon, Cas broke eye contact and turned away, letting Dean watch in astonishment as Bobby’s corpse came back to life, the light coming back into his eyes as he sat up and stared at the angel kneeling beside him.

 

It pulled at something in Dean’s chest as he stared at the two. Cas had given it no second thought; he had saved Bobby without even considering it. Cas had given _everything_ for the three of them, and he had paid the biggest price he could possibly pay for it. He had fallen, he had been hurt, he had killed his own brothers and betrayed all of heaven. And he’d done it for them. For _him._

 

He took steps towards Cas before he even knew what he was doing, staring at the angel as he turned around at his approach. Dean didn’t say anything, _couldn’t_ say anything, because he knew if he opened his mouth, the wrong words would come spilling out of it.

 

Instead he stopped in front of Cas, barely noticing Bobby rolling over and coughing lightly as he stood up. He stood there, making direct eye contact with the angel until Bobby got the message and muttered something about the Impala and _it’s about time_ , walking away to leave the human and angel alone.

 

“Dean?” Cas said questioningly. “Is something wrong?” He tilted his head slightly and frowned, like he always had when he was confused at something Dean said.

 

“Cas,” Dean breathed in reply. His hand twitched at his side, wanting to...wanting to what, exactly? He wasn’t entirely sure. He reached out and grabbed a fistful of Castiel’s trench coat, hanging open above his clothes. Cas glanced down in surprise and a mild interest, but did not step away. Instead he moved his own hand up and placed it over Dean’s.

 

Dean was conflicted. He didn’t even know what he was doing anymore. One minute Cas was bringing Bobby back to life and the next he was holding hands with his not-dead best friend. And then he took the next step, his other hand reaching up to touch Cas’s face. They were around the same height, causing them to make eye contact more times than not, but this time was different. This time neither one looked away.

 

This time Dean wound his hand into the side of Cas’s face, curling his fingers through the angel’s hair with a sigh. This time, Cas held his breath as he shifted at the touch, still unsure of Dean’s intentions but starting to get a better idea. This time, Dean pulled Cas’s head to his shoulder and hugged him.

 

He could tell it wasn’t what the angel was expecting. He tensed up, his hand leaving Dean’s as he tentatively brought it up around Dean and held it against the small of his back. It was a new feeling, being so close to the human, but Cas wasn’t sure yet if he absolutely didn’t like it.

 

The strong arms wrapped around him, anchoring Dean to Cas as if he didn’t want him to leave again. Because he didn’t- he’d lost everyone in moments, every person or angel he’d ever cared about, gone.

 

Cas relaxed into Dean, holding him just as tightly back. _I won’t let you go, Dean Winchester._

 

Suddenly, Dean pulled back and released Cas, looking like he was fighting back tears.

 

“Cas, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” Castiel reached out, placed a hand around Dean’s cheek as he had done moments before, pulled his face over to his and kissed him hard.

 

It should’ve been nothing special for Dean. He tried to tell himself it was relief that his friend wasn’t dead, showing his _familial_ love for the angel. But he wouldn’t kiss Sammy if he came back, or Bobby. This was a _Cas_ thing. This was _Castiel_ , an angel of the lord, _kissing_ him in the middle of a field while both of their brothers had just fallen into Hell. This was _Cas_ , his best friend, who his arms were wrapped around so tightly he didn’t know if he was hurting the angel.

 

This was the angel in the dirty trench coat who was _in love with_ _him_ , a _human_ who drank too much and had careless sex and could care less about his own well being and maybe even loved him back.

 

It was over as soon as it began. For a moment, they were inches apart, Dean’s heart beating a staccato rhythm against their chests and entwined fingers. And then both moved away, breaking the moment at the same time. Dean felt something drip off his face and realized that somewhere along the line he had started to cry, with the insanity of the day finally crashing down on his head.

 

The angel looked away, face unreadable.

 

“Cas…” Dean started, unsure of how to continue. Fortunately, the angel didn’t seem to need any more words.

 

“I know, Dean.” Even as Cas turned back towards him, Dean could tell he was feeling just as conflicted and confused as he was. Dean blinked slowly, trying to organize the mess of thoughts in his brain and always coming back to Cas.

 

“We should go,” Cas said, breaking the silence first. Dean shook his head. “Uh, yeah,yeah. Yeah, we should- we should go.” He turned towards the Impala, refusing to think about Hell, or Lucifer, or Adam or Michael or _Sammy_ or anything that would cause him  to feel anything. Realizing his brother was trapped with _freaking Lucifer_ in his cage in Hell was not something he could just accept.

 

 _After all those times I saved your life, you have to go and sacrifice yourself again. That’s_ my _job, Sammy, I’m the one who made that stupid Crossroads deal for your life, I’m the one who went to Hell for you, I’m the one who’s supposed to die...not you._

 

Cas’s hand brushed Dean’s shoulder, and Dean realized he’d been standing in front of the car, staring into space. He blinked, turning away from the angel and digging in his pocket for the keys.

 

“Guess you’re gonna leave now, huh?” His voice came out harsher than he intended, but Cas didn’t seem offended. In fact, he seemed to consider the question carefully before he answered.

 

“No.” Both of them knew Castiel couldn’t stay- Heaven was in chaos without him and they needed someone to step up as a leader. But Cas still followed him into the Impala, sat silently with him until they were on the highway and he knew he had to leave the human alone for a while.

 

Dean would be alright, he told himself. Dean was a Winchester, after all. And there were things that he didn’t know about yet, things that would affect everything he’d ever known.

 

Castiel told himself that Dean Winchester would not, _could_ not, die without his brother. Sam Winchester would not be in Hell forever, and _he_ was going to be the one to break him out.

 

He looked away as he flew back to Heaven, the feeling of Dean’s heartbeat against his chest echoing in his head as he went.


End file.
